A City Burning by Angela Graham

Author:Angela Graham
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: a9781781725924
Publisher: Seren

KINSHIP

The consultant is a peppery little man. Likes short answers. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’, preferably. But I’m not finding it easy to distil, out of years of symptoms, a one-word answer for him. He’s irascible, peremptory – yes, peremptory. Exactly that. Little parps and beeps of irritation emerge from him. Does he dislike sick people? “Bend forward,” he says to me. “Bend backwards. Now to the side. And to the other. Go into that cubicle. I shall be back in one moment.”

Or is it just Irish people that get to him? Or only the Northern Irish. Our accent’s not amenable like the Southern brogue, rich as Guinness. It’s uncompromising, so I’m told. Aggressive. Then there’s two of us in it – himself and me. And he’s Welsh. I can tell. I’ve lived here long enough to be able to hear the markers in his accent. His Welshness is well-hidden – years of golfing and aspiration – but we’re non-English, the two of us. Like it or not.

I wait. It’s late July and a window is open. I’m used to waiting. I’ve been all over this hospital. I’m a ‘thick-filer’. I overheard that. Not good. They think you’re a fantasist, inventing symptoms, lying. But I never lie to them. What’d be the point of that? Not in my interests to hide the truth. Still, I’ve been sent to psychiatrists for ‘failure to collaborate’ because if the doctors can’t cure me, clearly it’s my fault. But I always have collaborated, had the injections, gone to the psychotherapy. I’m used to them looking at me, puzzled, irritated that I don’t match their identikit. I look so normal.

Only once have I peeked at my file. ‘This obviously highly intelligent young woman…’ one entry in the opening pages began but someone grabbed it from me before I could read more, and such a glare I got, like I’d been nosing in someone else’s life! What was that complimentary phrase a code for, I wonder. ‘This awkward customer’? I’ve been told I have this or that, then had the diagnosis rescinded. I’ve been told to get a wheelchair, then not to get one. They’ve even told my family that I am choosing to be ill – there’s no other explanation for my pain. And my nearest and dearest nod!

I am certainly used to waiting. Today’s expert I have never seen before. He’s not the first of his specialism to have had the pleasure of examining me but my G.P. doesn’t know anything about him and that is precisely why he’s sent me here. Is the G.P. embarrassed to be linked to me?

This consultant looked at me severely as he questioned me, like I was a criminal who’d dart off with something valuable if he didn’t keep me in his sights. When he lowered his eyes, casually, I knew something was coming and… bam! up he came with a question that broke the mould, a question I’d never been asked before. And I lied. I told him one, single lie.

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